When we feel masculine and embrace the full power of our manliness, life is better.
We don’t get stuck in our heads anxiously thinking and endlessly worrying about our career, health, and relationships, to the point that we begin to undermine our best interests in these areas by acting unsure of ourselves and being “angry” at everyone else.
Instead we’re guided by our innate desire to grow, expand, connect with others, and experience new things, without depending on the approval of anybody but ourselves. We recognize we don’t need anything to be happy.
This morning I realized just how much I’ve compromised myself and my values recently. I realized why I’ve been feeling less like a strong, independent man and more like a needy child.
I was reading No More Mr. Nice Guy by Robert Glover and something clicked. This book is aimed at helping you recognize and correct certain “nice guy” behaviors and beliefs. It’s a great book that all men should read.
But I’m writing this post to explain the realization I had and to share my personal plan to “reclaiming my manhood and rapidly cultivating masculine energy.” This is not to say I feel like a huge pussy, no. But I do feel as though I’ve lost a little bit of the masculine edge that I’ve grown to embrace and that’s powered my personal development over the last few years. And I believe these insights will prove relatable and useful to other men alike.
1. Analyze and understand how you may be depending on women for validation
Note: In the video above I share my top strategies to overcome your need for validation.
I’ll start with a key piece of this equation… and also the hardest realization for a lot of guys to swallow.
Do you depend on women for validation? Before you say no, realize that we all do to some extent. We all rely on other people for validation. But we tend to do it more with women, primarily because they’re the gatekeepers of sex and we’re all inherently motivated to get laid. This dependency can surface as acting needy in your relationship, feeling depressed and lonely because you’re single, or mercilessly texting a girl you have a crush on just so she’ll text you back, to name a few.
For me, I’ve honestly never had much of this problem in my life. But recently something changed. I noticed time and time again that I felt slightly needy with my current girlfriend. I constantly wanted to be with her and was even upset sometimes when we wouldn’t hang out for a week or so straight.
Today I believe I finally understand where this neediness came from. This is only my second long-term relationship, and I was definitely far from needy in my first one. However, I think that when that first relationship ended, it created a void in my life that I’d never before experienced – and I failed to recognize it. For the first time in my life I was single – after having been in an exclusive relationship.
The time that came after this was marked by a series of unfulfilling hookups and flings before I met my new girlfriend. I’m now confident that these were unfulfilling, and that I’ve felt needy in my new relationship, because I’ve unconsciously been craving the validation that I lost with the first relationship. Will this realization magically cure this dependency? No, I don’t think so. But maybe. I feel a lot better about it now. And it motivated me to generate the following list of things.
2. Pursue and renew masculine relationships and activities with other men
Part of the reason we can grow dependent on women for validation and approval can be because we aren’t getting these things from our male friends. When we spend time with our buddies on a regular basis, we’re able to build meaningful relationships with them, and this helps alleviate any female related dependencies that may exist.
I’ll add one caveat: participating in masculine activities with your bros is superior to just sitting around and shooting the shit. I’m not saying the latter is worthless, but competing in a game of pickup basketball, traveling to and exploring a new city, or going out and being wingmen for each other are activities that breed a sense of masculine camaraderie, and these are things that only other men can provide.
3. Practice manly habits and hobbies
The only way to cultivate your masculine energy is to embrace it. And there’s no better way to do this than through the practice of traditional manly activities like lifting weights, playing competitive sports, learning a martial art, or going on a hiking adventure in a remote location. These things will get you in touch with your natural strength, independence, and manliness like nothing else.
4. Take care of your body
This is something that’s required to excel in any area. Without taking care of our base needs, we simply cannot reliably improve ourselves, our masculine energy, or our relationships with other people. Eat good food, get enough sleep, and exercise almost every day. This will give you energy, boost your mood, and allow you to tackle the aforementioned tasks with a clear, level head.
Furthermore, maintaining a strong body is an essential part of being a man. Cultivating physical strength through lifting weights will manifest itself in mental toughness and strength of character. Do not neglect this essential masculine duty.
Conclusion: recognize that the only one responsible for meeting your own needs is you
At the end of the day all of the activities, values, and beliefs that surround the idea of being a masculine man come down to one simple truth:
The masculine man is completely independant. He takes responsibility for meeting his own needs. He realizes that no one owes him anything, and he counts on no one but himself.
Sure, he shares meaningful relationships with other men and women, but he recognizes that these experiences can only add to his life. They’re only able to subtract from his life if he lets them do so. But he doesn’t.
Take some time to incorporate the four above tasks into your life and I guarantee you’ll feel more masculine – and happy – with each passing day.