Life is painful when you don’t feel respected by others.
If your boss treats you like shit and your co-workers look down on you, then every day in the office can seem like a living hell.
If you always end up on the bottom of the totem poll in group settings, then social gatherings can seem extremely intimidating.
If talking to “alpha male” type guys makes you nervous and insecure, then becoming a leader other men look up to can seem impossible.
In this article you will learn 5 simple steps you can follow right now in order to believe in yourself and start getting the respect you deserve from other people.
#1. Change Your Mindset
The first thing you must do is recognize that your interpretation of things is far more important than the actual events themselves.
More often than not, the lack of respect you’re feeling is being fabricated inside your head.
Just because someone didn’t say hi to you doesn’t mean they don’t respect you. Just because someone interrupted you doesn’t mean they don’t respect you. Just because someone ignored your advice doesn’t mean they don’t respect you either.
These things only bother you when you let them. They only seem like a lack of respect when you focus on them and analyze their meaning. If you simply didn’t pay attention to them, then you probably wouldn’t feel disrespected in the first place.
Look – I’m not saying that you’re completely crazy and that ignoring blatant acts of disrespect will make everything better. But I am saying that more often than not, you’re probably being defensive or over-sensitive when you interpret something as a lack of respect.
How do you fix this? Simple: just be aware.
Catch yourself when the next time you feel like you were disrespected. Decide to let it go. Focusing on it will only make it seem like a bigger deal that it actually is.
Read More: How to Build Confidence Through Meditation
#2. Stop Seeking Approval
If you get easily bothered when other people don’t show you the respect you think you deserve, then you’re probably guilty of this.
Look – we all want to feel valued and accepted by others. It’s an innate part of human nature.
But some of us get hyper-focused on it. Some of us are constantly looking for other people to give us clear signs of approval.
We desperately want people to laugh at our jokes. We desperately want women to sleep with us. We desperately want other men to show us respect.
If this is you, then realize that this is one big reason you’re constantly feeling a lack of respect from others. Decide to stop caring so much what other people think, and instead start focusing on living up to your own values.
Start pursuing hobbies that you enjoy. Start spending your time with people that make you happy. Start setting goals that you truly care about.
Stop living for other people.
#3. Focus On Other People
Another key ingredient to being insecure and failing to feel respected is only focusing on your issues and your own needs.
If you’re always stuck inside your head worrying about everything that’s wrong with your life, then you’re never going to truly connect with other people.
On one hand, this will make you more likely to over-analyze other people’s behavior and interpret it as a lack of respect. On the other hand, people won’t like you as much.
Think about it this way: do you prefer talking to someone who’s always bitching and moaning about their problems? Or do you prefer talking to someone who’s always curious about what’s going on in your life?
Studies show that self disclosure – or talking about yourself – activates key regions of your brain that release dopamine and make you feel good.
This means that you should focus your conversations on the other person. Ask them about their day. Talk to them about their interests. This will make them feel good. And it will make them like you more, because they will associate these warm feelings with you.
Read More: 5 Easy Ways to Keep a Conversation Going
#4. Make Your Own Decisions
We inherently respect people who are comfortable making their own decisions.
You the guy. The guy who is always prepared to make a decision. It doesn’t matter if you’re figuring out where to get lunch, what movie to see, or what job offer to accept. This guy is always comfortable stepping in and making the call.
In a world of guys who constantly say, “I don’t care, what do you want to do?” This decisive instinct immediately makes him stand out.
Most people simply have conditioned themselves to avoid making decisions. You ask other people for their opinion. You research your options endlessly. You don’t want to make the wrong decision.
You let your indecisiveness paralyze you.
On one hand, this cripples your ability to take action and get shit done. On the other hand, other people quickly identify you as one of the sheep.
Break free from this toxic habit. Start making instant decisions today.
Ordering dinner? Choose the first entree that catches your eye. Getting dressed? Grab the first outfit that’s appropriate for the occasion. Deciding what plans to make? Choose whatever option you get to do less often.
You will quickly build confidence in your ability to make decisions. And other people will begin to look at you as a leader who’s not afraid to make a tough call.
Read more: Analysis Paralysis Cure: How to Stop Overthinking Things
#5. Always Take the Blame
Another common weak habit that prevents you from getting the respect you want is failing to take responsibility.
When something goes wrong, is your first instinct to pass the blame? Or do you step up and take the blame yourself?
If a project at work gets fucked up, what do you do? If a girl rejects you, what do you do? If you accidently break something, what do you do?
Most people dodge taking responsibility. They prefer to blame someone else, or bad luck, for the unfavorable outcome.
Instead you must step up and say, “That was my fault.”
On one hand, this will allow you to learn from your mistakes. You can think back and determine what you should do differently next time in order to get a better outcome. On the other hand, people will respect you more.
People look up to those who are comfortable taking the blame. It makes them feel safe and secure. They know if the shit hits the fan, they can count on you to take control of the situation and figure things out.
So next time something goes wrong, raise your hand and take responsibility. Then watch how people react. I promise they will show you respect for being strong and shouldering the blame.
Awesome David !!
Regards from Buenos Aires.
Thanks Leonardo, glad you liked it!
That’s great
Your advices are always concrete and easy to understand and practice. You are doing a great work making men feel stronger.
Regards from Barcelona!
Thank you Guille!
Wow…this advice just changed my attitude….I was just feeling disrespected about a lot of events presently going on…after reading this advice I immediately gotten motivated to change my attitude…great advice..thanks..
Nice, I’m happy to hear it man!
Great stuff David. It all comes down to confidence in yourself. A guy doesn’t want to talk to me. Who gives a toss? A guy laughs off my opinion. Who gives a toss? A girl ignores me? Her loss! LOL!
By the way, I loved your latest book Mindset Mastery!
Thanks Leon – it all comes down to mindset!
Buen articulo brother!! Simple, al punto, y facil de entender!! Sigue asi!!
Gracias Dacero!
Dude these are exactly the characteristics a leader has and I couldn’t agree more. One big thing for sure is making your own decisions. That could mean walking away when you feel uncomfortable. People respect that and they feel bad and want to make it up to you. Leadership is also a quality women look for in guys. Guys that just do what they want rather than what the world tells them to. You should never have to compensate your own values to make up for the world’s values. It’s just not who YOU are and people can tell! Thanks for the good article, as with many others. 🙂
Thanks Matt. And yeah, being decisive is key for a lot of reasons.
Hi David
Very concise and wonderful advice. I particularly love the “instant decisions” advice. I used to peruse the whole menu in a restaurant and even analyse the spelling. Now I’m getting much better at going with my gut and trusting it. Also, when I think someone hasn’t liked me I’m getting better at letting it go. Exercise and lifting weights can be really good for that as well.
Keiran
Hey Keiran, thanks man! And yeah, the instant menu decision making is definitely huge. In fact, I just ordered my breakfast as I’m writing this comment!
Hey David! You beat it! Extraordinary article and very strong advices! Keep rocking bro!
Thanks bro – keep on beasting!
Couldn’t agree more with stop seeking approval paragraph. Caring about what people think at all times can ruin a person.
Most definitely. It’s a challenge to get past that mindset, but it’s one of the most liberating things you can do.
This is a great article. No. 3 is one most people don’t understand enough. So many people just get stuck in the shit they have to deal with that they think everyone else wants to hear about it. I like to treat every conversation as a fresh plate shared between two people. Nothing from the last “meal” (aka conversion) is allowed.
Thanks man. And yeah, that’s definitely the toughest part for most guys. I like your way of framing it.
This is how it seems like, if you are a Man, everything is your fault, if you are a Woman, not everything is your fault
That seems like a huge generalization my man. Deciding to take responsibility for everything in your life is a superior mindset to adopt.
thank you so much for give this advice.. I am glad to find another blog related to improving life for men.. you provide very usefull informations for some one like me who sometime have to taking job to lead a team.
Thanks man, I’m glad you liked it!
Take care of yourself first because no one will. Be sure to put all your energy into yourself. Don’t leave an ounce behind. Once you have done this begin to focus on others.
As you focus on others be sure to always begin by asking the question, “How can I help?” You’ll be surprised how far it will take you.