The following is a guest article from my good friend, current apartment-mate in Spain, and podcast co-host Dave Perrotta of PostgradCasanova.com.
Do you have a fulfilling dating life?
In other words, are you satisfied with the amount and quality of women you hang out with?
If your answer is no, the biggest reason might be that you’re not putting yourself in situations to meet the ‘right’ women.
By developing just a few key habits, you can drastically increase the number of women you meet in your daily life.
As a result, you’ll meet more women that you’re likely to ‘click’ with, get better at communicating with them, and become more comfortable around them – all without wasting time or losing focus on your purpose.
So, what are these habits? Let’s dive in…
Habit #1: Make Small Investments
When you see a pretty girl and think about approaching her, what goes through your head? Do you feel anxious? We all do.
But maybe it’s because you think you’ll have to hold a long conversation with her and it might get awkward?
A lot of guys aren’t so much afraid of starting a conversation with an attractive girl – it’s more continuing the conversation that really gets them. But this fear of the future is unwarranted – you don’t know how she’s going to respond to your approach or where the interaction might lead. Hell, you might not even like her!
To quell this fear, start making small investments. When you see a girl you want to talk to, tell yourself that you’re just going to say “Hi” and then walk away.
If you’re in a nightclub, you can ask a simple question like, “Do you know what the name of this club is?” I was out with David the other night and we did exactly this to get out of our heads. After that, we decided to go up and ask women, “Are you guys from America?” (we’re currently in Spain).
By making these “small investments”, we ended having an awesome time with some beautiful women, and it was all because we felt no pressure to say something so simple.
As you build this habit, you’ll find yourself in more and more conversations with women – and you’ll be surprised how many of them turn into fun, memorable experiences and potential relationships.
Habit #2: Try Things Similar to Your Passions
You should periodically reflect on potential new hobbies and activities to try out… Especially if you’re not meeting girls you like.
To do this, simply assess your passions and look for new activities that align with these passions. It’s a bonus if women are also interested in these things.
For example, let’s say you’re really passionate about fitness. You probably already have a habit of going to the gym, but maybe you could try out yoga as well – something that a lot of fit, attractive women do.
Sure, right now you might not be directly passionate about yoga, but it parallels something you ARE very passionate about (fitness), so there’s a good chance you’ll like it too. And furthermore, chances are you’ll be attracted to the women you meet there. AND chances are they’ll be attracted to you too!
Note: This doesn’t mean to go there just to meet women. You should actually want to give this new activity a try and see if you enjoy it.
For example, for me, I’m passionate about dancing, staying in shape, and learning Spanish.
So whenever I move to a new city, I usually do a few things:
- Start taking some type of dance class (usually salsa or bachata)
- Sign up for a new gym that’s filled with people in my age range
- Go to intercambio language exchanges (if I’m in a foreign country)
When you make it a habit to try new things you’re passionate about, not only will you further develop your character and grow your passions, but you’ll also meet tons of new people.
As you make connections, build your social circle, and throw yourself into new situations, you’ll inevitably meet many more women.
Habit #3: Online Dating (in Moderation)
Online dating is one of the easiest ways to meet women. It’s had stigma in the past, but now there are so many people using it that the stigma is all but gone.
And there are tons of good options out there. My favorites are:
- Tinder
- OkCupid
- Hinge
Be sure to include at least one photo of you doing something you’re passionate about (e.g. dancing, boxing, cooking) to help screen for women with similar interests. With a good opening line followed by some basic conversation, you can easily set up 2-3 dates a week.
But you need to tread carefully here, because online dating apps can get pretty addicting – you start off swiping and messaging a few girls, and next thing you know you’ve spent hours scrolling through profiles and messaging potential prospects.
So, set a 15-20 minute window each day for online dating apps, and only use it during that time period. After exchanging a few messages with an attractive girl, ask for her number and move the conversation to text. This will escalate the probability of actually meeting up and it will ensure you don’t waste too much time on dating apps.
I never liked the idea of online dating – if prefered the “natural” way. But maybe I give it a try in the future.
While theres a lot to be said about being courageous enough to ask women out it person, there are a lot of guys who read “pick up” advice and even though they do it in person, it can be far from natural.
I prefer the old fashion way as well, but online dating is a reflection of the direction society is moving and I think you’d be silly to write it off completely.
Oliver, I used to dislike the idea of online dating as well. But now that it’s more mainstream, it’s something that a lot of high quality women use to meet people.
I’ve been able to meet several awesome women through it, which is why I suggest it here.
I enjoyed the article. Please provide me the dating links. Are they all dot com s ?
They are all very popular. A quick Google search should get you there.
I’m a women and I clicked on this article out of curiosity because I’m having the same problem. Believe me guys we get intimidated too! You might want to add bumble to your list of apps–it’s a dating app where the women have to make the first move & I’ve also found that the “quality” of guys on there is higher than other apps, although I know that’s very subjective
Thanks for the recommendation. I’ve never heard of that one.
Why do you say that they seem higher quality?
I guess maybe it has to do with some sort of self-selection principle where the guys who choose bumble (where they have to be patient and wait for her to make the first move) tend not to be (or at least they don’t come across as) thirsty hounds? Lol I don’t know it was just a feeling I got
That makes sense. Always good to hear a female perspective on these things.
Key thing is to invest in yourself. Get in shape, enrich your mind reading, associate with others with similar ambitions, and disassociate with negative people. Learn from men you admire as role models and try to be like them.
These will improve your confidence and self esteem and never seek for women’s approval. Seek your own approval. Once you master these areas in yourself, things become easier.
All good points John. When you invest in yourself and you value your actions and self-esteem over that of other people’s opinions of you, it’s a very freeing sensation that allows you to be more authentic and do the things YOU want to do without feeling super insecure or intimidated. However other people react does not matter at this point, only that you took an authentic action.
Buen articulo!! Una de las cosas favoritas que me gustan de tu site, es que los consejos que das son directos al punto, simples, y prácticos. Algunos que se hacen llamar gurus por ahí, te hacen todavía mas inseguros porque todo lo hacen tan complicado!!
Como bien dijo Dave en su articulo, ayuda mucho que conozcas mujeres con tus mismos intereses y pasiones, así todo fluirá sin esfuerzo, y tendrán muchas cosas de que hablar!
Gracias por la ayuda!
Gracias Dacero! Es verdad: es mucho más fácil conocer chicas con tus mismos intereses. Y también es mucho más probable que sería más atracción entre tu y ella!
i enjoyed this artcile esspicaly first 2 its so true!! and ilove bachata as well haha its amazing
Anything online dating or alike is brutal for guys. Waste of time, effort, energy and money which can be put to better and more important things. Another ex. of something way too goal oriented and that needs to be validated by a “gatekeeper”. Once the balance is even sure, but as of now your better off doing just about anything else then that nonsense. Live your life and enjoy, don’t worry about trying to get a hot chick to reply to your messages or texts.
Good point. If you do use online dating, I think it’s best to just be 100% straightforward. Just ask her out for drinks, don’t try and impress her and stress yourself out.
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Great article David, congra.
I found something similar about mistakes to avoid on tinder bio.
Check it out: https://homemdominante.com/11-erros-comuns-na-descricao-masculina-no-tinder/