Staying mentally focused and positive is a daily challenge. Below are the eight most effective beliefs that aid me in this struggle.
1. I’m the main character in my own reality/movie/video game
The world is my playground. What good is sitting around and getting fucked up when there’s so much out there to explore and experience. If my life was a movie, I want to be on some epic Jason Statham shit, not some boring three hour movie about a guy who can’t even get it up anymore.
The added benefit of seeing life this way is distancing yourself from yourself. The same way it’s easy to give a struggling friend advice, you’re able to see things clearly when you’re slightly detached from it all.
2. There is no such thing as failure, only experiences to learn from
I won’t sit on the sidelines in fear of fucking up. No. If I fuck up I will simply learn from it. Maybe this girl won’t like me, but that fine, at least talking to her will give me an extra reference to aid me when I spot another cutie I want to chat up.
3. I am exactly where I need to be to develop and grow
It’s too easy to get caught up thinking that I don’t want to be where I currently am. I badly sprained my ankle a few days ago, for example. Rather than feeling sorry for myself, watching movies, and thinking about what I could be doing, I will accept this as fate. I hurt my ankle for a reason – because I need to step up my writing and reading game, and I’ll use this downtime to do just that.
4. Only I can control my thoughts
I choose what to focus on. Rather than thinking about the fucked up haircut my roommate just gave me (my ankle’s messed up so I let him go at it) and the uncomfortable humidity, I’m going to think about how awesome it is that I can write this post and share my thoughts with you via this amazing thing called the internet.
Why concern myself with things I have zero control over when I can be happy and productive?
5. The opinions of other people are irrelevant
Another obstacle to stepping outside of my comfort zone is worrying about what other people will think. When I started this blog I was scared to death that my peeps or work colleagues would discover it and shame me to death. I was writing under a pen name. Eventually I said fuck it and started using my real name and sharing it with people.
I can either depend on other people for validation or say fuck it and just do shit that I think is awesome. If I let what other people think rule my actions then I might as well kill myself because whose life am I living anyway?
6. There are no problems and bullshit, only challenges and opportunities
When something goes wrong, I fuck up my ankle, for example, I can either see it as a problem and whine about it or I can view it as an opportunity to get more work done from home since I’m going to be here awhile.
Another common example is when you’re driving and some asshole cuts you off and starts beeping and swearing at you. You can either get caught up in it and let it ruin your day, or you can simply see it as a challenge of your wit. Can you stay calm and cool and move on with your life? It’s just a test.
7. I am already complete
I don’t need to be a 30 year old millionaire to be confident and driven. I don’t have to wait until I’m 180 pounds at 8 percent body fat to approach and attract hot women. I’m complete and awesome exactly how I am right now. I’m going to get more awesome, for sure, but I’m going to live it up and keeping crushing it in the meantime.
8. People are afraid to lead, so I must take the reins
It’s scary how compliant people are. A few months ago my friend demonstrated this to me. We were out at a bar and he simply would grab girls as they walked by and instruct them to say and do ridiculous things. Most of them followed his guidance without hesitation or question. The ridiculousness of his requests made this shocking and entertaining, but I see it happen all the time outside of the bar as well.
My friends want to be told where we should eat or party. My colleagues want to be told how to approach a particular project. My family wants to be told what time we should meet. People are afraid of responsibility and they don’t want to think for themselves. This is an opportunity for me to step up, be decisive, and lead the way. The same goes for you.
> I’m the main character in my own reality/movie/video game
Yes, but WHY DOES IT HAVE TO BE TREVOR? 😀
I haven’t played the last couple GTAs but I figured it represents the idea of living a memorable life pretty well.
I assume Trevor is the dude on the bike..
Hey David! I’ve read some of your books and they’re pretty good. I already read a lot of coaching stuff, but the pretty unique part in “Dominate” that I have not seen yet was the part about balance.
You see, in my past I started vieving my extreme passion for computer programming as a weakness, as a form of workaholism, and I really did some binge programming sessions, in the end feeling very exhausted and producing lousy code. Now, as I exercise, I feel my body much better, but still I am prone to spending very long hours at the computer screen, thus introducing imbalance into my life. I’ve read your book – now I know: this is NORMAL, I just LOVE IT, this is my VERY STRONG POINT, being able to debug stuff at 2:00 AM, but I should keep my balance, because this way I won’t be able to wake up in the moring and go runing.
GTA V… Well, I finished it before I started going to the gym and reading manosphere blogs, so I don’t know if I would play it today 🙂 anyway, there’s one mission, when you parachute jump from a running quad or a bike, sounds pretty “full life” to me too. And Trevor – Trevor is the psychopath, he does drugs, booze, gets into fights, has crazy tattoos, he even tries drinking gasoline once. You can see a good sample of Trevor’s attitude here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q1xWE2xGh1A
Yes balance is a struggle when you’re engaged in something you have a passion for. When I was writing Dominate, for example, I’d catch myself barely able to focus after hours of writing yet I still wanted to go on. And at this point I was so burnt out that the quality of my writing was shit.
You really have to force yourself to exercise or meditate every so often. Otherwise you can get into an obsessive mindstate.
Also watching that GTA clip makes me want to play, but alas, every time I try and play a videogame these days it can’t hold my attention span. My mind simply races about other things I could be doing.
Thanks for the comment Michal. Have you noticed you’re able to program better if you take more breaks?
Great post David! I like to look at life in the same aspect as you, with exploration and wonder. Part of the reason I hate watching TV is because I’d prefer to be out and about living life rather than being a spectator on the sidelines. I also completely agree that a lot of people out there prefer to be lead rather than take a stand and think for themselves. Good stuff man!
Thanks Peter! Couldn’t agree more – DOing above THINKing.