When it comes to dating advice, there’s a nearly unlimited amount of it to be found.
Books, blogs, magazines, YouTube videos, friends, and family members are all potential sources of information.
And you’ll get very different advice from an older married friend versus an article on “pick-up” or a wild college buddy.
We’ve all had our own unique experiences with women. We all have our own unique goals, whether we want a girlfriend, a wife, or a friend with benefits. And we’re all in different phases of our lives.
The combination of these three things makes it impossible to offer a specific one-size-fits-all approach for improving your current situation with the opposite sex. Every dating “guru” out there can only speak to guys who are in a spot where he’s been in the past – he’s limited by his own experience.
Having said all of that, I do think there are two universal principles that, if followed, make the entire process of attracting women into your life an easy one that doesn’t cause you endless stress along the way.
I. Develop your confidence
Confidence is the most important character trait you can ever develop.
It’s the number one thing women look for in potential mates. It’s the number one thing employers look for in potential candidates. And – more importantly – it’s the number one thing that will make you feel happy and in control of your life on a day-to-day basis.
Externally, confidence means that you appear sure of yourself and your ability to carry out the task at hand… you look like you’re sure about your ability to approach that cute girl at the bar… you look like you’re sure about your ability to skillfully execute the job you’re being interviewed for.
People instantly recognize this sense of self-assuredness, and they’ll either show you respect or write you off as another insecure man as a result.
And, when it comes to women, it seems they are even more perceptive than us. They effortlessly interpret your body language, tone of voice, and whatever’s going on inside of your head. They can sense insecurity and a lack of confidence. And this is the biggest turn-off there is.
If you’re confident, it honestly doesn’t matter what you talk about. It doesn’t matter if you tease her, tell her your life story, make sexual innuendoes, or just make “boring” small talk. If you’re confident, none of these approaches will spoil your chances of dating her, because she’s already attracted.
So how do you develop confidence? Well, honestly, I just wrote an entire book on the subject. But here are a few quick tips:
- Read good books that motivate you to take action and change how you think
- Meditate everyday to remind yourself that you’re complete on your own
- Quit porn to boost your energy and remove your sexual perversions
- Lift weights to build muscle and improve your posture
- And, of course, do things that you’re afraid of, like approaching attractive women
II. Be brutally honest
You need to be brutally honest with women to have any lasting success.
If you think a girl is cute and you want to talk to her then tell her. It’s only “awkward” if you’re not confident.
On a date with a girl and want to kiss her? Just fucking do it. Want to invite her back to your place? Just ask. You don’t need to come up with some elaborate story to “trick” her. Again, it’s only “creepy” if you’re not confident when you ask.
And this concept of being brutally honest also applies to talking about yourself…. Now this can be misinterpreted in a couple ways, so let me address what you’re probably already thinking.
David, does mean that I should “just by myself” and all girls will love me?
Not so fast.
While I don’t think you should lie about who you are, guys who follow the “just be yourself” line of thinking usually take it too far. You see – people are inherently self-centered. And even if people are genuinely curious about some aspect of your life, they rarely want to hear your whole life’s story.
And guys who buy into this bullshit normally take it to mean that they should divulge everything about themselves… even if uninvited. And this is plain annoying. No one likes to hear about someone else’s day-to-day problems, especially if it’s someone you just met.
I think a good general rule is to be completely honest about your past and who you are, but err on the side of only talking about yourself when she expresses curiosity about something, at least for the beginning stages of dating.
David, what about all the advice I’ve read that says you need to be “mysterious” and avoid revealing anything too personal?
I respectfully disagree. This is a cheap tactic for insecure guys to use who are too scared to field personal questions in a confident manner.
Honesty + Confidence = Success
Applying any “game” tactic or technique without confidence comes from a place of weakness. It’s basically saying that “I’m not enough on my own, so I’m going to try and trick women into liking and having sex with me.”
These self-deprecating beliefs will only reinforce each other and your general lack of confidence.
Focus on building your own confidence, and don’t overthink the process of attracting women. Women want a guy who’s comfortable in his own skin and who doesn’t need to “try” to get with them. So stop “trying” and just focusing on developing yourself.
When you do this, and focus on only these two things, everything else will fall into place. You’ll act decisively and go after what you want. Oh, and you’ll most likely get it too.
While I am not specifically an expert on this subject matter, I can comment on the concept that many of us in the gym are there to increase our confidence. Gyms are full of people looking for validation from someone; self, parent, coach, potential mate. Most that stick with it find what they are looking for in the long run. Being able-bodied is precious, and that value only goes up with the years. It seems like it’s more than just strength too. It’s self-control and self-understanding.
So true Adam. Almost everyone’s reason to hit the gym is based in vanity. And sticking with it and changing your body will bring you this validation as you said – and this validation in turn boosts your confidence.
And while we’re on the subject… can we agree that “vanity” is not a bad word? Somehow this got tossed in with pridefulness, or lack of empathy, along the way. Vanity is a form of self-preservation or self-care. All animals engage in acts vanity (cleaning themselves?). As long as our vanity doesn’t come before the needs of others, and I can’t imagine how it could, then why people hatin’? I’m being somewhat humorous, but only somewhat… Vanity is what gets us in the shower and dressed every morning. If we weren’t vain, we’d all wear burlap sacks instead of fashionable clothes. Just sayin.
Agreed. The word “vanity” has a negative connotation. But looking good is socially beneficial – and the case of fitness healthy, too.
He said burlap! love it! hahaha
I agree about vanity. As much as I’m all about Buddhism and the whole “happiness is having less in your life” and other variations of being comfortable and free…..I do like getting with women. So I’m not going to be complacent, rather, do the best for me, which in turn will yield me women and other opportunities. It’s the health factor, the willingness to achieve great health that gives you a “look good naked” body, higher confidence, posture and lower medical issues.
So if the law of attraction states you attract what you believe and do in yourself, then I want a chick who is in good shape and has a head on her shoulders too.
Whether it’s friends with the benefits, one night stand or short term relationship. lol
Hey Dave
I like the stuff u write, it is simple and straightforward.
Usually the simplest tips are the best. Instead of keep day by day studying pre-made lines, body language, eye contact, level of escalation and things like that, simply DO it: go face your fears, get rejected, learn about yourself and grow up as a man. Situations are what make us what we are.
Sometimes I think that studying game like hell is bad for yourself. As you said, it is too much overthinking, may sound exciting at first, but most of the times, you will still stuck on an invisible cage – you thing you are free but you are more and more in a mental prison.
Cheers bud
Thanks Leo – and good points, if you just put yourself out there and make moves on more girls you’ll get more confident and make quick progress.
From your example i think that when you are telling to be honest you mean being unafraid of telling her what you want. Like going to your place.
Because being trully honest with a girl you like could result in something like this: “Oh you have got such an amazing ass, can I touch it?”
Yup Damian, you’re correct for the most part. Going for what you want (the phone number, the date, the kiss, etc.) is just about all you need to do to be successful with women.
I didn’t really mean the second part…it slipped from my mouth. Forget reading that!
I gotcha… saying ridiculous shit like that can work, too my man – it just needs to be delivered confidently and calibrated to the situation.
This was a good article. Straight facts without any bullshit.
I just wanted to add that i think a lot of my problems come from learned helplessness, the idea that there isn’t any point in trying because trying won’t change anything.
I dunno where i got this mindset from, but it’s in the process of destroying my life basically. Im thinking about seeking professional help.
Thanks jakob. The mindset you mention has to be one of the worst because it prevents you from taking action. All change happens as a result of action being taken so i think you just gottta say fuck it and try, accepting that it might not change anything amd being okay with that.
Jakob I would say some of your L.H. comes from society. Seeing it on TV or YouTube or maybe even your peers (wether college campus or work) where you have experienced men getting rejected. That has possibly impacted your overall perceptions of women. Perhaps you have made a few approaches where women have rejected you, and you just gave up. It happens like that, that’s what they call in psychology “Operant Conditioning,” where you have associated negativity (as they call in behaviorism “punishment”) with women.
My problem is what in behaviorism would call “Intermittent Reinforcement.” Say you’re a rat in a study cage and you got cheese (the reward) today for performing an action, then the next day you didn’t, then 2 days later your cheese again, but for a 5 days you got NO cheese, but then all of a sudden you get the cheese again. Basically, because you have been getting the cheese, regardless of time, you are motivated to perform whatever action, because you have an expectation that “don’t worry, eventually that cheese will come again, and maybe soon.”
I have gotten with a couple chicks who were 9s in my life, some 8s, more 7s and many 6s and below. In my mindset I keep acting for the cheese. I keep thinking “I have had the cheese (the chicks who were 9s) before, so don’t worry I will get that again.”
And this is what I call the rat race for getting with women, thinking that I will get that cheese, the high quality cheese, very soon! Rather I should most times be content with the 6s and 7s I get with.
I hope this class session was stimulating for you 🙂
Superb cheese analogy!
And I also think your take on Jakob’s situation is on point…
You really have to put in a lot of repetitions of any activity to see good results… not to mention improvement and progress.
Damn now I’m hungry. Perhaps a load full of veggies on an omelette.
I know, David, I’m cheesy.
lol
My personal suggestion before buying any of the “seduce her” products is to review them thoroughly; https://hitreviews.wordpress.com/ has some really good reviews with the pros and cons of particular product.
This is a refreshing change to most PUA articles that I’ve read. So much PUA literature is convoluted in esoteric jargon that feels too structured. This seems more practical
Thanks man, I agree about the PUA stuff, almost all BS.
I like how simple but effective this article is. A lot of times, I’ll overcomplicate things and get in my head, but this article is straight to the point.
Thanks man!
Haha this is funny AF, I just stumbled upon this article when searching for how to be more attractive myself (https://getexbackforgood.com/what-makes-a-woman-magnetic-and-irresistible/) and this is hilarious because I hate PUA stuff. Whenever a guy tries this on me pretending to be this big macho bloke, I instantly KNOW that he’s just a small scared boy seeking for approval. I feel a bit sorry for them but at the same time it’s repulsive AF. Be yourself, dude!