When it comes to dating advice, there’s a nearly unlimited amount of it to be found.
Books, blogs, magazines, YouTube videos, friends, and family members are all potential sources of information.
And you’ll get very different advice from an older married friend versus an article on “pick-up” or a wild college buddy.
We’ve all had our own unique experiences with women. We all have our own unique goals, whether we want a girlfriend, a wife, or a friend with benefits. And we’re all in different phases of our lives.
The combination of these three things makes it impossible to offer a specific one-size-fits-all approach for improving your current situation with the opposite sex. Every dating “guru” out there can only speak to guys who are in a spot where he’s been in the past – he’s limited by his own experience.
Having said all of that, I do think there are two universal principles that, if followed, make the entire process of attracting women into your life an easy one that doesn’t cause you endless stress along the way.
I. Develop your confidence
Confidence is the most important character trait you can ever develop.
It’s the number one thing women look for in potential mates. It’s the number one thing employers look for in potential candidates. And – more importantly – it’s the number one thing that will make you feel happy and in control of your life on a day-to-day basis.
Externally, confidence means that you appear sure of yourself and your ability to carry out the task at hand… you look like you’re sure about your ability to approach that cute girl at the bar… you look like you’re sure about your ability to skillfully execute the job you’re being interviewed for.
People instantly recognize this sense of self-assuredness, and they’ll either show you respect or write you off as another insecure man as a result.
And, when it comes to women, it seems they are even more perceptive than us. They effortlessly interpret your body language, tone of voice, and whatever’s going on inside of your head. They can sense insecurity and a lack of confidence. And this is the biggest turn-off there is.
If you’re confident, it honestly doesn’t matter what you talk about. It doesn’t matter if you tease her, tell her your life story, make sexual innuendoes, or just make “boring” small talk. If you’re confident, none of these approaches will spoil your chances of dating her, because she’s already attracted.
So how do you develop confidence? Well, honestly, I just wrote an entire book on the subject. But here are a few quick tips:
- Read good books that motivate you to take action and change how you think
- Meditate everyday to remind yourself that you’re complete on your own
- Quit porn to boost your energy and remove your sexual perversions
- Lift weights to build muscle and improve your posture
- And, of course, do things that you’re afraid of, like approaching attractive women
II. Be brutally honest
You need to be brutally honest with women to have any lasting success.
If you think a girl is cute and you want to talk to her then tell her. It’s only “awkward” if you’re not confident.
On a date with a girl and want to kiss her? Just fucking do it. Want to invite her back to your place? Just ask. You don’t need to come up with some elaborate story to “trick” her. Again, it’s only “creepy” if you’re not confident when you ask.
And this concept of being brutally honest also applies to talking about yourself…. Now this can be misinterpreted in a couple ways, so let me address what you’re probably already thinking.
David, does mean that I should “just by myself” and all girls will love me?
Not so fast.
While I don’t think you should lie about who you are, guys who follow the “just be yourself” line of thinking usually take it too far. You see – people are inherently self-centered. And even if people are genuinely curious about some aspect of your life, they rarely want to hear your whole life’s story.
And guys who buy into this bullshit normally take it to mean that they should divulge everything about themselves… even if uninvited. And this is plain annoying. No one likes to hear about someone else’s day-to-day problems, especially if it’s someone you just met.
I think a good general rule is to be completely honest about your past and who you are, but err on the side of only talking about yourself when she expresses curiosity about something, at least for the beginning stages of dating.
David, what about all the advice I’ve read that says you need to be “mysterious” and avoid revealing anything too personal?
I respectfully disagree. This is a cheap tactic for insecure guys to use who are too scared to field personal questions in a confident manner.
Honesty + Confidence = Success
Applying any “game” tactic or technique without confidence comes from a place of weakness. It’s basically saying that “I’m not enough on my own, so I’m going to try and trick women into liking and having sex with me.”
These self-deprecating beliefs will only reinforce each other and your general lack of confidence.
Focus on building your own confidence, and don’t overthink the process of attracting women. Women want a guy who’s comfortable in his own skin and who doesn’t need to “try” to get with them. So stop “trying” and just focusing on developing yourself.
When you do this, and focus on only these two things, everything else will fall into place. You’ll act decisively and go after what you want. Oh, and you’ll most likely get it too.