Lots of men in 21st century society are questioning their masculinity…
They believe that they are weaker and less confident than more “manly” men.
If you feel this way, there’s no shame in it. There’s a large difference between being male and being a man. A male is something you are by birth. A man is something you have to become.
The good news is that there are several “masculine triggers” that, if done on a daily basis, will make you feel more masculine and confident, no matter who you are, what you look like, or where you’re from.
Trigger #1: Challenge Yourself
Challenge is the whetstone that sharpens the blade of the masculine edge.
In fact, challenge is the driving force behind the success of the human race. From building massive skyscrapers and creating enormous tech companies to starting wars in an attempt to conquer other nations, challenge continually pushes us forward.
Also here’s another fact that’s not very well known: most of our ancestors are women. That means most of the men who lived in history didn’t get to procreate (arguably the #1 biological goal of your life).
Men back then instinctively knew this, so what did they do? They improved themselves, so they would have a better chance to pass on their genes.
They became tougher. Rougher. More mentally sharp. They were the ones who stepped up to the challenge of life and developed a strong internal locus of control. As a result, those were the ones who got laid and had children.
If every man who ever lived reproduced, over-population would have extinguished the human race long ago. Luckily, nature has a built in safeguard for this — “survival of the fittest”. Species that do not grow and adapt are eliminated.
Implementation Guidelines: Take the time to step outside of your comfort zone every day. You’ll surprise yourself with how fast you grow when you begin challenging yourself.
Here’s some things you can do:
- Try a new physical activity (weights, martial arts, rock climbing, etc)
- Begin meditating for 10-20 minutes every morning
- Get up earlier in the morning
- Learn a new, mentally demanding skill that you have absolutely zero background in
- Approach a girl and ask her out
Anything that will smack you out of that default autopilot mode (that you’ve been stuck in for God knows how long) is good.
Trigger #2: Become Self-Reliant
In traditional societies, men were the primary breadwinners of the home. It was rare to use too much outside assistance to help provide for the family. This obviously isn’t the case anymore, but self-reliance is still a heavy part of the male psyche.
Modern society teaches us to be reliant on outside stimulation to feel good about ourselves. For example, we often rely on getting “likes” on social media for validation.
If you want to be masculine, you need to learn how to get approval and validation from within. Use outside help, for sure, but don’t expect it to save you.
Implementation Guidelines: Being self-reliant is not the same as being self-sufficient. No man is an island. You aren’t truly self-sufficient unless you go “off the grid” completely.
Self-reliance only means that you rely primarily on yourself to deliver an end-result (even though you may get a friendly “push” along the way).
Here’s how you can achieve this:
- Accept advice and criticism from others but do your own thinking on all occasions
- Become knowledgeable and skilled in an area that can provide value to others
- Build up an emergency fund or start your own side gig/business
- Learn how to generate positive emotions from within, rather than rely on external stimulus
Trigger #3: Complete a “Rite of Passage”
In many cultures, there is a distinct transition from boyhood to manhood. It is symbolized by a test or physical initiation.
For example, in ancient Sparta, young boys would be released into the wild to fend for themselves. If they returned, they were then christened as men.
In mainstream Western society we have no equivalent test. As you can imagine, this creates tremendous social problems. Lots of guys today are stuck in a state of “suspended adolescence” and don’t know how to progress to manhood.
Implementation Guidelines: You might be thinking: “Well, I’m well past the age of being a teenager. I guess it’s too late?” Not really.
A rite of passage can happen at any time. It’s never too late to become “a man”.
Rites of passage typically need a clear demarcation point saying “Before, I was a boy. Now I am a man.” For example…
- Taking a solo trip across the world into unfamiliar cultures
- Moving to a place very different from where you grew up
- Completing a series of challenges for X number of consecutive days
- Being able to perform a hard-to-master skill that takes time and dedication to achieve
The tougher and more mentally challenging, the better.
Trigger #4: “Bump Up” Against the Masculine
In the video above, I explain the best way to stop being a “nice guy” who gets walked all over.
All men have high levels of a particular hormone called testosterone. Because of this, we have a tendency to chase two things: fighting and fucking.
Unfortunately, the former is seen as entirely bad, and the latter’s purpose has been warped in society today. Neither of these are inherently bad. It all depends on the context.
In this case, fighting isn’t “wrong”. It’s how men keep each other sharp. Keep in mind that fighting is also mental (psychological warfare, anyone?).
Boys in the schoolyard fight and scrap with each other ruthlessly because they feel this natural urge to fight in order to resolve conflicts. Male rams, bears, and other animals also often fight each other in the wild when competing for mates or resolving conflicts.
Ever seen the movie Fight Club? It is a distillation of this same male tendency for confrontation.
Implementation Guidelines: Am I encouraging you to be an asshole and try to fight random dudes at the bar? No. Fighting just to fight is absolutely uncalled for. Too many men unfortunately lack the emotional and social intelligence to realize that fighting should be done only as a last resort…
But you should still develop your natural desire for fierce competition. Here are some examples:
- Hang around men that will challenge you mentally
- Practice a martial art that allows you to spar
- Learn how to debate your point of view effectively
Trigger #5: Create Something of Your Own
Many of the greatest discoveries have come from the masculine mind. Conquerors, adventurers, scientists, philosophers, inventors…they all had a deep desire to “push the envelope” and create new things that make the world a better place.
Unfortunately, we live in a society today that encourages consuming more than creating, and this is a big reason so many men feel “emasculated” today.
Implementation Guidelines: Giving your gift to the world will help you develop a large sense of pride and accomplishment. There’s no better feeling than doing good, honest, work and getting rewarded for it.
Here are some ways you can do that:
- Create a side project just for kicks
- Do something you have a passion for and give your whole heart to it
- Persist even in the face of antagonism from others
How to Be More Masculine (Recap)
Being masculine ultimately means taking ownership of your life and realizing that you aren’t a little kid anymore. You must refuse to feel sorry for yourself and instead redirect that energy towards making the best out of the cards you’ve been dealt. You must realize that it’s never too late to change your life.
- Challenge yourself and expand you comfort zone
- Stop relying on other people to fell good about yourself
- Complete a brutally challenging “rite of passage”
- Regularly “bump up” against the masculine
- Create something of your own that helps other people
Will this be easy? No. It’s a heavy task and not all of us are up to it. But it’s open to any guy that wants it bad enough.
This was a guest post by Sim Campbell of UnstoppableRise.com where he helps guys reach their potential by improving their confidence, discipline, and productivity.